When setting boundaries, it’s the boundaries themselves that speak loudest. Explaining or justifying WHY you are setting a boundary just confuses the situation.
Stop explaining yourself.
Want to stop answering emails after 7pm? Just do it.
Tired of always covering for the other parents in the car pool? Just say no.
While I’m many realms the idea of just doing it or just saying no is a terrible idea. However, there are times when a clear delineation is necessary. And setting boundaries is one such time.
When Cal Newport wrote Deep Work it caused a shift in how people in business treated email. The desire to protect their time motivated them to limit their exposure to email. However, the big mistake people made, according to Newport, is that they explained that they would only answer emails at certain times as their email sign off.
Instead of the intended outcome of setting boundaries, it just set them up as being dicks. Not the intended outcome..
Boundaries are about you protecting your time, not protecting others’ desires. Create a consistent behavior and people will follow your lead.
