Life experience, trauma, early childhood development and biology all have a role in how we respond to external stimuli. But just like with gaining strength or muscle, how we train can alter how we respond.
You might be a hard gainer in the gym. Now, you’ll never be a pro bodybuilder. But you can still be the best you possible. How? Eating properly, training hard, maybe hiring a coach to help. But just giving in to genetics and doing nothing surely won’t get you where you want to be. And there’s nothing more defeatist than saying you want something and I’m the same breath saying “this is just me”.
It’s the same with emotional regulation.
If you find yourself overcome with grief or anger or sadness over a news story or social media post, you aren’t “empathetic”. You’re emotionally immature. And that’s not an insult. It’s an opportunity.
Being a beginner in the gym is the best. You can grow and grow and improve day after day with the smallest of changes. Same with emotional maturity. Small changes can yield big results.
You won’t become a monk on a mountaintop overnight. You likely never will. Some of us are just hard wired to be more or less emotionally driven. And that’s okay. But improving our emotional regulation will give us greater life satisfaction, stability and happiness.
Stop letting the state of the outside world dictate the state of your internal being. Work on regulating emotion just as hard as you work on lifting or eating well or cardio. Your life will be exponentially better.
Or do nothing and stay miserable. There’s always choice.
