When we were still quadrupedal primates struggling to walk upright we had much smaller brains and researchers have linked that brain size to the size of a monkey society. As brains grew (and some monkeys moved along the evolutionary landscape all the way to humans) so did the size of society. So a tribe of monkeys that may have been 50 deep would balloon to 150 in humans. But why the growth or limitation?
It is believed that as our personal society grows we reach a limit to which we can empathize and differentiate between “us” and “other”. Being a member of a tribe was imperative to survival and, more importantly, to reproduction. Being a loner, a rebel, wasn’t nearly as cool as Dottie thought.
As we have grown societally we have moved to towns and cities and our old roving bands of nomadic tribes have fallen away. We are less and less connected to those around us. When we see news of some terrible tragedy far away we feel sad but there’s no real connection to those we don’t know. They are outside of our evolutionary understanding. However, the smallest insult to someone close to us can feel as it was wielded upon us personally.
As social media has grown so has our “social network”. We are constantly bombarded by the intimate details of not just our friends and family but people we don’t even know. Our tribe has grown from 150 to thousands. Except it hasn’t. Only our perception. We can’t expect to continuously invest emotionally into the lives of thousands of people that don’t actually impact our lives and remain emotionally healthy. It’s trying to fight our evolutionary biology.
Choose how to spend your tribal and emotional currency. Invest in those who you truly care about. Invest in real friends. In family. Not influencers. Still connect but stop following people who’s manufactured persona’s don’t contribute positively to your life. Stop trying to be someone who isn’t real. Double down on your tribe. Double down on you.
