I don’t care how many books Simon Sinek sells to business guys tryin to make sense of their existence in the confines of a cubicle coffin, nobody needs to “find their why”. Besides my views on certain types of empathy, this is probably my most “controversial” view. I know, I’m pretty much a modern day Plato 🧐.
Values are important. Knowing what they are is necessary for aligning our goals in a way that is commensurate with those values. Without that we may find success but we will never be content if we are violating our principles. But values are very different than finding that deep down fire that drives us.
The desire to find a “great why” is not new. The entirety of religion is founded upon it. As we have moved in the west from any kind of collectivist society and embrace our “rugged individualism” we embrace the egotistical desire to find what makes us unique. We all want to feel different and that is ok.
In truth, there’s only one true “why” and that’s to spread our genetic makeup along. There are entire branches of science dedicated to this so I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on evolutionary biology but let’s just say babies are the reason we walk upright. So if anyone should defend the idea of a spiritual why it’s me, since being childless means I am an evolutionary failure. 🤷🏻♂️
The biggest issue I have with finding a why is that it’s just not necessary. We have made it to a point in society where we carry supercomputers in our pockets. Do you really think all of the millennia of humans that helped us get to this point spent their time pondering their why before they embarked on greatness? Of course not. They were just trying to make it to 30 without getting cholera.
I’ve encountered more than a few people who say that they can’t make change because they haven’t found their why. They are hamstrung by an imaginary pursuit sold to them by NY Times Bestsellers and IG influencer inspirational quotes. It drives me crazy that this conversation by people who have no background in behavioral health are telling others that without this practice they will never be successful. I’m no psychologist but I’ve worked with enough of them to know that not one has asked me to find my why before embarking upon therapy. Yet these well intentioned yet misinformed voices are literally stopping people from taking action and locking them in contemplation. It’s heartbreaking.
Stop using your why as an excuse to avoid making change. If you are dealing with trauma and mental health struggles find a therapist. Hell, find a therapist regardless. If you do the work to change your life you will eventually find your why. In fact, in a lot of cases the work itself may become the why.
