My blood is filled with a vengeful spirit. Southern roots and a Scots-Irish bloodline…
I’m growing, but much of my life I have been an angry, vengeful person. While I always thought I was angry at others, I was actually angry with myself.
I see so many people struggling with weight loss and the anger and frustration and sadness they have. Angry at their genetics, at their boss, at the weather and snacks at work. Angry at the fact that people are dying and others refuse to alter their behaviors. Angry that they can’t see friends and family. Frustrated that there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. And saddened by the grim realities of life. In reflection, how many of us are just angry and sad and frustrated with ourselves?
So many of us walk through life draped in a robe of shame. We carry with us the pain of our parents, the sins of our ancestors, and the words of our peers. As we grow in years we continue to add layer upon layer, until our very persona is overtaken by shame.
This shame manifests differently in everyone. Some, like myself, gravitate towards anger. Growing up in an environment that invalidated feeling, anger was the acceptable outlet. This led to anxiety and depression and fear, all masked by anger. It wasn’t until I began to practice compassion and forgiveness that I began to watch some of that anger slip away.
Forgiving others is a great practice in growth. But it is meaningless until we can learn to forgive ourselves. We are not at fault for what has happened to us. We are not at fault for our environment or circumstance. But we are responsible for it. Practice rigorous honesty and look in the mirror. When you see that person reflected, your true self, forgive them. And make room for healing.
